Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize