Don't make out with my wife yet
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize