Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
