I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
