Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
