I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
