I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize