I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize