Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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