conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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