I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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