i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
