508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
