Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
