bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize