She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
God, I missed his penis.
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