and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I pour the whiskey from now on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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