I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i now understand why vodka
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
