Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
