It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
