I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
