At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
