I'm gonna have a badass scar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
3 2 1 whiskey
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
