oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
