i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
