hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
