So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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