i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
