i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
