Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
