3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
