dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
