She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
is that a dick in a sweater?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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