Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
