He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
