It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
