i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize