Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
