STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
