it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
