i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
