I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize