how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
