My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
