I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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