She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
