Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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