Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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