I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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