His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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