apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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