Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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