Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
