So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize