So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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