The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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