I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
