I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
