giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
