I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize