She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
