Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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