Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
