Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize