Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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