Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
